Secretary (2002)

How do you feel when you find out you really like something you really didn’t think you’d like?

I initially feel a pang of anger and/or betrayal, but not towards the thing I ended up liking.

I get angry and feel betrayed by myself because who is supposed to know you better than you?

Then I remember what natural self-destructors and sabotagers averse to change we Homo sapiens are.

And I forgive myself for thinking I wouldn’t like a thing that I’d never even tried.

Changing (growing) and adapting (accepting) is okay.

I heard from someone that it’s even encouraged in some places.

Whaaaat? I know, I know. But that’s what I heard!  Don’t shoot the messenger.

It makes sense that you don’t know yourself as well as you think because you don’t have that handy outsider’s perspective. The outsider’s perspective can see things that your protective filters might keep from you.

We all filter out a ton of things, we have to, or our circuits would fry.

Some of us just filter out a little bit more than others (we have to or our selves would die).

When someone or something can break through my filters (my closed. tight. wall.) I feel like an overly hormonal teenager who has just discovered masturbation.

There is all this lost time of not having this thing in my life that I have to make up, so I often become obsessed.

Kind of like Lee Holloway (Maggie Gyllenhaal) does in Secretary

with Mr. Grey (James Spader).

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