Hello Vape

Today I was a promobot for a lozenge sampling street team. We were sampling deluxe size boxes of lozenges. 28 count. I thought it’d be way worse but it was way better than I expected. Probably one of the best street team experiences I’ve ever had. It helped that it was unseasonably warm. 60 in early February. The Field Manager was also nice enough to give me a case of the lozenges so now I have mad lozenges to barter with if this apocalypse everyone keeps talking about happening happens. I’m still convinced the apocalypse happened in 2011 when we were 100% invaded by aliens but what do I know.

We finished work early so I had time to go home before The Workout at UCB. I had reserved 3 sketch shows on the day I got this job and since the time didn’t overlap I decided I would both work and go to all of these shows. Little did I know I wouldn’t sleep the night before.

I have been awake for 31 hours straight. No naps. Not even a subway one. And I took the train 6 times. I went to work. Then came home then went to UCB. Then came home. Wait that’s 4. Wow. I guess that’s not that crazy. But I decided to buy Value Metrocards as opposed to Time Metrocards. When you buy Metrocards you can select whether you want to get an unlimited “Time” one or a pay as you go “Value”. I feel like when I get a Value one I would have benefitted more from a Time one and vice versa.

I am trying an experiment of buying Value metrocards for a month. Off the bat I already feel like my trips have more value and I’m not just commuting for the sake of getting my unlimited metrocard’s money’s-worth.

I really like when blogs have a lot of images and gifs especially, embedded videos. But honestly when I started this blog I was going sober. Well honestly, what I was going to say before I got sidetracked mid-typing a sentence… like wtf am I doing…. Honestly, I’m intoxicated. I smoked some bowls. Drank a cup of wine. I’m drinking a beer. and I’m intoxicated on sleep deprivation. There’s very little I can do but just get the words out. This is my Jack Kerouac situation. I never finished On The Road. I accidentally left it at a homeless shelter I stayed at for 1 day, along with my favorite scarf ever.

The 3 shows I watched were The Workout w/ Nipsey, Masters… you know what i’m just gonna screenshot the website.

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I was late to The Workout but when I got there I showed my ID to the boxoffice guy and he was just like “yeah just walk in.” The show was about a Vape Shop and even though I only saw half of it, I loved it. So much talk about Vape lyfe. There were juggalos and a vape dance routine. It made no sense because I probably missed some crucial plot points in the beginning, but what I saw I loved and it was great.

Masterpiece: Classic Women in Art was phenomenal in my opinion. It was a solo show by Hallie Haas and I’m all about her. Fun tidbit from her UCB bio

She lives in Brooklyn with 9 of her closest pals and a whole lot of kale.

So i made a chicken quesadilla and ate it while writing this post.

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It was AMAZING and yes that is a whole tub of sour cream. Savage lifestyle. I used pre-cooked chicken from Trader Joe’s. I’m so proud of my choices lately.

The Bride of Murdery Heights was another, like, old timey murder mystery sketch show which I’ve oddly seen a lot of at UCB. They’re not my favorite kind of sketch show but they always really impress me with the costumes and the accents and intricate stories.

My cat is driving me insane. She is addicted to playing catch and she won’t leave me alone she’s so demanding. I love her but she makes me wonder if I’d really suck as a parent because I just don’t have time.

A classmate from my Character 101 class is a bartender so I saw her during The Bride of Murdery Heights and I just started panicking with anxiety and pre-planning what to say. I planned to have 1 glass of wine so i bought it during A Date With Every Boy. I told her her impression of Melissa Villasenor during our celebrity impression week was spot on because I didn’t know what Melissa Villaseñor sounded like until I looked it up, so I didn’t know her impression was spot on until after class. I really admire her choice of celebrity to impersonate. I impersonated Kanye and while I’m proud of what I did, I was one of two Kanyes in my class that week. Zero originality. There was a Kanye during Obama Daughters which was AMAZING.

this blog is incoherent.

Obama Daughters was written by Keisha Zollar and Caroline Martin, two of my faves. It was so good. And there was a Kanye impersonation in that show and… you know what? I thought my Kanye impersonation was better, which is very Kanye of me to think.

I’m so mad at myself because I had props for my Kanye as a college professor of an Intro to Artistry course impersonation sketch last week and I didn’t use them because I thought it was too extra and was afraid people would judge me, but I included the props in my sketch script and James said it was funny so I should have used them.

I feel like I’m so afraid to take chances. But I took a chance and talked to my classmate and told her that her impersonation was great and then avoided her the rest of the night because, baby steps. I didn’t pretend I never saw her, although she was unavoidable as the bartender.

When am I gonna people right?

I decided to stay for Unexpectashow with Jo Firestone. I have never seen Unexpectashow and did not know what to expect. Jo Firestone was not the host which was truly unexpected. Tbh, I never know what to expect when I go to UCB. It’s wild. Unexpectashow was great and there was one girl who’s name I wish I knew because I loved her.

This kid I get acid from messaged me and said he missed me and wanted to see me. I invited him to see comedy with me and he never replied back.

At the end of Unexpectashow  guest host Manolo Moreno said UCB Chelsea was like a bunker because it was so deep underground and that he would go there in case of a nuclear emergency and he would hope it happened during Asssscat. I started thinking about where I would go. The 181st street A train is the most underground place I know. Or maybe the 181st 1 train.

On the ride home I saw what I can only describe as an African princess- The most beautifully styled woman I’ve never seen on a Subway. She looked like someone ripped a page out of Vogue, blew it up and sat the page in between two basic subway riders. She was wearing a monotone camel/gold hued outfit and her hair had these two long braids and then a small braid bridge on the top of her head with a bead in the middle. She was wearing stirrup leggings without the stirrups on her feet. Her jacket had crazy fringe. I can’t describe the shapes she was wearing to give them justice. She looked like art and I had to go full on creep and just stare at her so I could remember her forever because she looked so beautiful it was legit like looking at art. I see a lot of art looking babes in NYC, but I’ve never felt compelled to blatantly stare at someone like this African Princess.

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