Slept over at Facebook’s house last night again after getting sloshed on two bottles of Trader Joe’s wine. Worked on my character Candy Drop who I will be performing at my Character 101 Graduation Show on March 3rd. She’s a porn star at a porn shoot who keeps forgetting she’s at a porn shoot because the scene is so realistic. Kind of into the idea of doing a flat out sexual character but the feedback I got from teach in class yesterday was to get nerdy with it and be light on my feet, so that way even though I’m portraying a porn star it doesn’t have to focus on the sex part of that, which is exactly what I wanted to do with a porn star character.
Money is a thing I wish I wasn’t thinking about so much as I’m trying to recover. For example, wish I could just buy food and not think about what’s in my budget. So that I can start consuming the nutrients I need. Really feel like being 30 is hardcore way more different than being 20. I feel like I figured it out. Now to make this less of a diary and more of a story.
On Valentine’s Day I went to dinner with boy partner in the Upper West Side. We went to a fried chicken establishment that I had been wanting to go to real bad. This restaurant happened to be one of boy partner’s accounts. We went and there was a 20 minute wait so we went to another bar to have a beer while we waited. We drank a tasty beer that was light colored in a tulip glass. Boy Partner got texted about our seats at the fried chicken establishment so I had half a beer left because I was trying to match boy partner’s pace. I just drank all of mine. He didn’t drink his and just left it. Does that make it half full tulip glass of beer? Or half empty? So confusing. My tulip glass of beer was totally empty, that’s not confusing. I try not to be confusing.
So we go back to the fried chicken establishment. I order his beer because IT’S VALENTINE’S DAY and also I love and support my boy partner so I would just order the beer he sells for a living and cares more about than me sob. jk jk. I love him whatever. I enjoy jumping back to the present moment from the past. Time traveling.
Just told that Candy Drop apparently sounds like a New York The Nanny but more like her mother accent. Yeesh. I need to stop drinking.
After waiting for hours. I did not look at my phone and neither did he, I think. We just talked to each other. I dropped a fork. They gave us two forks, it’s like Boy Partner knew the future and that’s why he ordered poutine. He called me “the lady” as in “the lady would like to try the poutine.” He’s so gentlemanly but always has been to a certain extent. He got poutine even though he is lactose intolerant.
Just explained tapping therapy which I remembered randomly.
I feel like everything is a test. Or like a video game level, a test. But still feel myself like just a Sim. I can do one task at a time.
Repeat 3 Times: “Even though I have this problem, I deeply and completely accept myself.”
“And one day will be able to do a backflip no matter how old I am.”
ADD. I know, everyone, right? But srsly. I can finish this story. We ate fried chicken. And then someone Boy Partner works with connected to the fried chicken establishment we were eating at had a dessert brought out and it had to be brought out twice because the first waiter who brought it out Boy Partner said “That’s not for us.” and the waiter said “Yes it is.” then Boy Partner replies “What makes you think that?” and the waiter goes away and I was like uh ok. Then the dessert reappears this time in the hands of a waitress and she explains “No srsly this is for you on the house.” Admittedly not the first time I’ve had a dessert on the house situation but the first time the dessert was for me! So very exciting. Best Valentine’s Day yet.
Before Facebook dropped me off outside of his apartment where I had woken up earlier that day he said to me that my valentine’s dinner was important because I was part of the conspiracy. I didn’t inquire further what that meant.