the mansion

Happy National Hummus Day!

This message is not brought to you by Sabra® although have you tried delicious Sabra® hummus? Promobot 9000 received an ample sample of Sabra® during #nationalhummusday activation at Astor Place on #nationalhummusday eve. Promobot 9000 is booking better and better jobs as Promobot 9000 levels up Marketing and Promotion skill and People skill. Promobot 9000 upgrades to hair length = long and skin = acne inactive also contributing to improved Promobot 9000 confidence index.

At this stage in the game I’m really just trying to do work. I stop myself from doing the thing that is my passion, the writing of the words, because I feel like I’m not good enough, but by not doing the writing of the words I am not improving that skill or working on my craft, etc.

So write now I’m just not thinking about how my grammar is a POS and I can’t articulate a thought to save my life and nothing I’m writing makes sense or follows the conventions of any type of writing that is reasonable and acceptable because fuck it, this writer’s gotta write.

I am getting used to the idea that maybe I am just writing for me. The pleasure I get from rereading things I wrote from a vantage point in the future is really almost like drugs. I’m a really good writer… to myself… and wtf else matters. I did it. I’m my biggest fan and why would I disappoint myself by not writing ANYTHING just because I am the only person who gives a fuck about what I’m writing? No one else is writing for me, so.

There’s plenty of room in the Internet. There is more than enough space for me to throw these thoughts out there and I feel like even though no one appreciates any of this now, (and also I don’t promote my work so why would they?) there will be a point in the future where people will find these writings and it will be great.

giphy

People will find my writings and think AHA! She really did get it all along and tried to warn us. Now we are all robots. She is a Promobot. I get it now….

Honestly this barely makes sense to me but I have to keep doing it. And it evolves in a way that is not entirely logical. Like at first I thought I was going to blog about movies. It seemed like a great way to build an audience and put something out there that was valuable.

Then I kept getting the urge to just write about my own self. Even when writing about movies I was just writing about myself and how the movie relates to myself. In high school I learned all about comparative literary essays and I was way into them. It’s taking two things and figuring out what they have in common and using that commonality to discuss a greater overarching theme.

Some of my favorite overarching themes are MK Ultra and Mental Illness. Alienation and Art. Dehumanization and Love.

I felt like maybe this blog could be a tool to express myself like my diaries of yesteryear. I stopped physically diary-ing a while ago but there’s really something to it. I tend to forget everything the minute it happens unless I document it somehow. I’m just that in the moment you guys. I’m downloading new info all the time and making space for that new info by deleting unnecessary data, like things I can google and pretty much everything. I am willing to delete everything I know to download some hot new data.

I really wanted to write about the guy at the 24 hr deli near my train stop. I buy beer there when I can’t conveniently buy it elsewhere, but every time I go to the 24 hr deli, the guy at the checkout tells me exactly when the last time I went to the deli was and tries to glean more and more information about me from me. He also gets flirtier and creepier. Like I just want to buy this beer and get on with my life and I’m only here as a last resort. I don’t know if this man can sense my alcoholic desperation and that’s why he takes advantage of the situation or if he genuinely believes this is a good tactic to get me to come back more often?

Point is, I don’t think I can go there anymore. Tonight he put the bag handles around my wrist like a ring? It was weird! Somehow in my head every time I go I think it won’t be weird because the weirdness has been maxed out, but he tops it every single time and now I think I can’t go there anymore 😦

I have this legit idea to open a biz that’s like all robots. I know this exists in Japan, and I’m actually working on a gofundme to go to Japan. I don’t think it’ll work, the gofundme, but I also think if I could build a convincing campaign and then promote the shit out it during the holidays…. MAYBE IT CAN WORK! Maybe I can get crowdfunded to Japan.

Anyway, so I have this biz idea for a robot run business targeted to introverts who i KNOW would pay a premium to not have to deal with humans. I am at the extreme end of the spectrum of introverts and I feel a deep sense that my life purpose involves making life easier for introverts. We are an overlooked minority too introverted to really speak out about how oppressed we are by the extroverts but I know Japan understands and that’s why I need to visit Japan. So. Pray that I may finish creating a gofundme campaign to get me to Tokyo ty ily.

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